What I Do When My Inner Critic Is Raging

Do you ever have those days where your inner critic is out of control? My week started like that. Bitch Ruth, as I like to call my inner critic, was loud. I’d woken up with the Monday blues, struggling to get myself going. That slight fatigue was all it took for bitch Ruth to step in.

This is how it went down. She criticised me for feeling blue. Telling me I had a great weekend and a lovely week ahead, what right did I have to be blue? I was being ungrateful. After all I’m in a position that people would kill for, only having to “work” 1.5 days this week and then able to do what I want for the rest of the week.

You can imagine how I started to feel with all that raging inside my head. It’s such a fun place to be when your inner critic is at the forefront of your inner monologue. Thankfully I’m pretty good now at separating out the different voices in my head. And reminding myself that I’m not my thoughts. They’re part of my experience, but not my whole experience.

Today I want to share with you what I did to get bitch Ruth out the driving seat:

There is nothing like social media to give your inner critic more to latch on to. Even if you can enjoy your social feeds without compare and despair most the time, it will be harder when the inner critic is running the show. And it allows them to stay in control.

I definitely found myself scrolling through my feed, looking for all the amazing things other people were doing, to act as evidence of how hopeless I was and why I’d never be a success. And your inner critic will be priming you to look for that stuff. Something that may not have phased you 2 days ago, that you would’ve been genuinely pleased for that person for, suddenly fills you with the jealousy and becomes something to beat yourself up with. Because the inner critic is making you feel that way.

If your social media is making you feel negative emotions step away from it. Take a break for the day. It really won’t go anywhere. I know as a business owner it can feel like you need to always be there because of visibility, but really you don’t. A day won’t be the make or break difference in your business.

If your inner critic is the one in control don’t engage in anything that will give it more ammo to fire at you. Anything that will create negativity will be ammo for that inner critic to use. One of these things for me is podcasts. I had decided to listen to a podcast while I was resting (see the next point) and that didn’t go well.

I’d picked a business podcast episode to listen to and found it was making me really irate. I felt the content wasn’t valuable and the way the hosts were talking about it annoying. Bitch Ruth latched onto that as a way to remind me that the hosts were far more successful than me, so what do I know about the topic they were talking about. And I can’t even get my shit together to start a podcast (which I’d love to do) so how can I judge? I clocked those thoughts and quickly turned off that podcast.

The inner critic loves stepping up when you’re feeling weak and vulnerable. That’s exactly how I was feeling on Monday morning. It was the day after the clocks had fallen back and I was certainly noticing the loss of the hour. Dave & I now automatically wake up around the same time every day so there was no extra hour sleep for us because our internal clocks still got us up normal time. Except that was now an hour earlier than normal!

This got me all out of routine which I’m very sensitive to. Changes in my routine disrupt everything for me. I end up eating at weird times, struggling to get to sleep and waking in the night. All of this combines to leave me feeling run down and therefore vulnerable to an inner critic attack!

This is why I started with giving myself time to rest. To see if, after that, I’d feel better, my ability to quieten that voice restored. Although I started here, and would always recommend to anyone that they take the pressure off first, this can actually be a sneaky trick from your inner critic.

As I said above, bitch Ruth kept berating me for not being more productive first thing. She’s tricksy and knew rest was a great way to keep control. Convince me I’m feeling vulnerable because I’ve not had enough rest, but then also criticise me for wanting to rest. Binding me into a no-win situation.

To help combat that risk, time limit how long you can rest for. I usually give myself an hour to 90 minutes. If I don’t feel any better then it’s on to the next point.

If the rest didn’t solve it, it’s time to move your body. And move it in a way that gets you out your head. For you, that could be a walk in nature where you’re able to focus on the trees & noises. Or a yoga flow. That doesn’t work for me though. For me, it’s medium intensity cardio. Getting my heart beating hard enough to get me out my head.

This is where I’m pleased I have an exercise bike at home. I can jump on it and get myself moving. But with the plethora of YouTube exercise content, there’s really no need for equipment to get your heart rate up now!

When doing this I like to add in the next step too.

Boosting your mood is a great way to crowd out the inner critic. The things bitch Ruth says aren’t as hurtful if I’m feeling more confident, and music is a great way to improve confidence.

Personally, when I’m in any kind of funk I turn to writing. I find it’s a great way to explore what’s going on and take back control. I think it’s because writing forces me to be more considered and deliberate. Being more considered and deliberate interrupts the bitch Ruth thoughts.

How I decide to approach writing differs from day to day. Sometimes I turn to journaling, this time I actually drafted the outline of this post. Other options include writing to do lists, mindmaps, or listing all the thoughts your inner critic is telling you and then crossing them out as you tell yourself they’re not true or helpful. Whichever one works for you.

I also don’t see why something else creative wouldn’t have the same effect. Writing is my favourite form of expressing myself. But yours might not be. As with the exercise, it’s about doing something that gets you out of your head. Think of it as crowding out the inner critic. Doing an activity that requires cognitive effort so your brain can’t expend its energy on all the negativity.

By the end of these steps, the inner critic was no longer in the driving seat. Was bitch Ruth completely gone? No of course not. I don’t think your inner critic will ever go away completely. But I felt more able to ignore the barbed comments and criticisms. Able to move forward without so much negativity.

If you enjoyed reading, feel free to hit that clap button 👏 to help others find it.

Related posts:

Between July and August, I had the opportunity to join Feedzai’s 2019 summer internships as an Engineering Intern. I worked with the Data Visualization folks at the kickoff of the Feedzai Charting…

Kau tak perlu tanyakan mengapa semua abu itu hilang.. “Ragu yang Berlalu” is published by Cadenza Travis.

Noticing how we receive inputs is an important part of reflective practice. This is something I incorporate in both my coaching and counselling work. For example, how we receive positive and negative…